Saturday, January 3, 2015

Man found in Gym at 7am on 1st Jan, arrested for suspicious behaviour

In a bizarre incident, a man found exercising in a gym at 7am on 1st January has been arrested for suspicious behavior. The arrest was made when Pandu hawaldar (name changed to protect identity), the gym’s security guard alerted the local police. “I was sleeping peacefully at the entrance of the gym when suddenly I heard someone say ‘Bhaiya, gym kholo na’. I ignored it once thinking that it was last night’s party playing games with my mind. But when I heard it again, I woke up with a start. I immediately got suspicious of the person. Aap hi batao, who comes to the gym on 1st Jan? I opened the gym and let the person enter, but as soon as he was inside, I locked him up and alerted the local police”.
A similar mysterious man spotted inside a deserted gym some time back.
Image source : This page

Mr. Dikshit, the Inspector who made the arrest said, “We received a call at about 7.15 am today. You see, we cannot celebrate like you people as we have to make sure that there are no untoward incidents because of the New Year Parties. We immediately sent a team of 4 to the gym to investigate the matter. Sure enough, a young man was found inside the gym and we arrested him immediately.”
Yo Yo Honey Singh, a World famous singer seemed visibly disappointed. “I have been trying to promote Party all night, ladki, daru, etc. for so many years. But still this dude turns up in the gym at 7am? Seriously? I am sure he was up to no good. People like him are a threat to the society. But I have faith in our police and am sure that he would be punished for this irresponsible behavior.”
When asked to clarify his actions, the arrested man said, “I have been tricked into this situation by my friends. I am a software engineer and have no girlfriend to hang out with on New Year’s Eve. My friends advised me that if I undergo a rigorous training routine for 45 days, I will look like Hrithik Roshan and will bag a girl soon. If I start on 1st Jan, I will be ready on Valentine’s day. Since I did not want to lose this opportunity, I went to the gym. I am innocent.”
It is learnt that some people believe that the only valid explanation of this behavior is that the arrested person is an alien like PK. No person on earth can head to the gym on 1st Jan.

P.S. This article can be found on Faking News here

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Flipkart announces flash sale of New Year Resolutions

As per the latest developments, Flipkart, India's largest online retailer has announced a flash sale of New Year Resolutions. A market analyst (on condition of anonymity, ofcourse) hailed the move and said that "This is really a great initiative by Flipkart. Having New Year Resolutions is a cool thing for today's youth and has a mass appeal. However, the youth is tired of the same old resolutions like I will start exercising, I will quit smoking, etc. They want something new. With a player like Flipkart entering this segment, they are bound to get a lot of options".

Flipkart and OLX partnering for New Year Resolutions Sale. Image source: This page

When asked about how exactly this is going to work, a spokesperson for Flipkart said, "This is very simple. You have to register for the flash sale before 11pm on 31st December. The sale will start at the stroke of midnight and the lucky ones will get to buy the resolutions." The spokesperson refused to divulge any more information and added that "The details like the products and service offerings and the pricings will be declared at midnight. Please register and see for yourself".

During Flipkart's previous sale, many people were dissatisfied as they could not get the deals of their choice. When asked about how this has been addressed, the spokesperson clarified that "This won't be a problem this time. I agree that we have not made any significant improvements to our server's capabilities, but we have other plans. New Year's Resolutions are anyways thrown away after a few days or may be weeks. We have partnered with OLX so that people who no more want to keep their New Years Resolutions can sell them to others".

It has been learnt that the Government has partnered with Flipkart to sell "Swachh Bharat Abhiyaan" and "Make in India" initiatives through the flash sale. They also plan to sell patriotism during the Republic Day.

While filing this report, over 10 million people had already registered on Flipkart for the flash sale. Hurry up and do not lose the opportunity.

P.S. This article can be found on Faking News here.

Sunday, December 28, 2014

Corners in Government buildings declared UNESCO World Heritage Sites

As per the latest developments on WhatsApp, India's leading rumour news broadcasting service, the corners in various commercial complexes and Government buildings in India have been declared as UNESCO World Heritage Sites. This was confirmed when this reporter received a message that read "Good News! All the corners in the commercial complexes and Government buildings in India have been declared as UNESCO World Heritage Sites for their unique red coloured spit patterns. Proud to be an Indian! Pass on the message if you truly love your country!"

One of the unique pieces of art. Image source : This page
Pandu Hawaldar (name changed for no particular reason), a security guard at National Bank of India seemed visibly elated. "I am proud that my efforts have finally borne fruits. I have been spitting all over this place for years creating various unique patterns, but no one ever noticed. This news however is a testimony to the contributions that I and others like me have made to this country. Achchhe din are finally here. I would like to thank Manikchand and Goa for making this possible. Now I can retire happily”.

When asked about the importance of this news, Mr. Puranik, an official of Archaeological Survey of India said, “This is really great! The heritage of our country is finally being recognized at a global level. We have been preserving this art for many years. It is worth noticing that there are millions of such spit patterns and each pattern is unique. The 1444 unique pillars of Ranakpur temple in Rajasthan seem nothing in comparison to this. We are planning to hold workshops to educate people about various ways of spitting so that this art is not lost to modernisation”.

“This is a sign of Unity in Diversity and Communal Harmony that our Government has been working on for past 60 years. People from all strata including the rich and poor, businessmen and farmers, Hindus, Muslims and Dalits, everyone has participated in this. But the current ruling party is trying to destroy this rich heritage in the name of Swachh Bharat Abhiyaan. The installation of photos of various Gods and Goddesses at many such corners in the name of cleanliness is actually a plot to promote Hinduism and divide the nation on communal lines”, said an angry senior member of the opposition party on condition of anonymity.

Taking cue from this development, various municipal corporations in India were contemplating to suggest the pothole ridden roads for the World Heritage tag. “Even we have preserved the pot holes for ages. Why should they not be considered? We have to hurry up before the Government destroys them in the name of development”, said a municipal commissioner of a metro city, with a hint of urgency.

Meanwhile, no UNESCO officials were available for comments. But this is insignificant as WhatsApp has been officially accepted as a credible source of information.

P.S. This article can be found on Faking News here.

Monday, March 28, 2011


There are a few plants planted in my window. Since this is the flowering season, I thought about taking pictures of the flowers, from bud to full bloom. Here are the pics.



Sunday, March 6, 2011

Flawed Patiala House

Writing after a very long time...7months!! Did not have anything interesting to write, and since I no more watch serials, the Hindi Serial Loopholes thread is dead.

Anyways, just to keep the blog alive, I am writing about "Patiala House", a movie I watched recently. The story is quite typically Bollywood shtyle. The protagonist, Akshay Kumar who plays Parghat Singh Kahlon a.k.a. Gattu is a budding cricketer who is a British citizen of Indian origin. His father Gurtej Kahlon a.k.a. Bauji (played by Rishi Kapoor) does not want him to play for England and hence Gattu leaves his dreams and starts working in their shop. 17 years later, however, he shows the courage to fulfill his dreams defying Bauji's orders when he gets a second chance (at the age of 34!!) to play for England in T20 championships.The movie ends on a happy note.

Most Bollywood movies are seriously flawed, but most people do not notice them, or worse, no one cares. But as I said, I am writing this just to keep the blog alive and there was no other topic.

So...Bauji is miffed with the whites due to their attitude towars Indians in UK. He organizes many agitations for Indians' rights. Gattu is quite happily playing cricket with as well as against whites in Inter school competitions. Bauji is Ok with that. But when he gets a chance to play for the country (England), Bauji prohibits it!!! Goron ke nahi khelenga! Come on!! Getting a place in the National team should be a thing of pride for the Indians. Bauji's ideology seems flawed. He was fighting for the rights of Indian's and now when his son is getting respect and recognition, he turns it down. And suppose he is against the country itself, why the hell is he staying there!!

Secondly, all other youngsters in the family (seriously, the family was so huge, I couldn't understand who's who!) are miffed with Gattu, since he has set an example by sacrificing his dreams and they all have to do the same. They accuse him of not showing courage (and they themselves are quite silent, not agitating at all :-|). When Gattu gets a second chance, they want him to show courage and go for it. Now, courage should have meant standing against Bauji and expressing his wish and dreams. But no! Instead, all of them help him to go for his dreams, without Bauji knowing. They do all sorts of stuff...cutting TV cable, changing the photos in newspaper, renaming Gattu as Kaali, so that Bauji does not know!! How was this supposed to help!! Those people wanted Gattu to speak up against Bauji so that even they could fulfill their dreams. How did the priority change to just allow Gattu to fulfill his and this, when they all disliked him! But luckily enough, Bauji knows the truth and then Gattu shows courage and then all is well.

Anyways, I believe most people must have not realized these flaws. Overall, the movie was OK. And much much better than Nikhil Advani's previous venture CC2C.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Aren't we Lucky??

We feel sad when we get lower increments. We get angry when caught in traffic jams. We feel jealous when we see someone in an Audi when we ourselves are driving a 2-wheeler or a small car. We feel forgotten when some close friends forget our birthdays. We always complain with life. I often do.

But sometimes when I am alone, with no work to do, I ask myself, am I really sad? Is my life really worth complaining? Then I realize, I am in fact far more lucky than most people. All you people reading this post are very lucky. We have decent incomes. We have decent dwellings to leave. We can buy as many clothes as we want. We get multiple meals each day. We can spend hundreds or even thousands just for fun. We can pursue or hobbies. We got (or are getting) good education. We have most modern amenities.We have someone to care for us. Someone to share our happiness. Someone to share our sorrows.

There are crores of people out there who don't know how they'll sail through the day. How they'll get even one meal. A single roti is a satisfying food for them. People are happy even if they get old, soiled clothes to wear. They call a tin shed as their home. Be it rains, be it cold, be it hot, people stay on footpaths, on railway platforms, on bus-stops. A single Rs. 10/- note is like a huge amount for them.

There are so many kids out there, who want to study, who want to play, who want to wear nice clothes, who want to eat sweets, who want to live their lives, but are working day and night, supporting their families,...supporting themselves.

There are so many people out there, who are in a constant threat of wars, of terrorism. They cant say if they'll see see the light of the day tomorrow. They don't know if they'll see their kids grow.

There are so many people out there who are handicapped, who cannot see the beautiful colors of life, who cannot hear the melodious sound of nature and of people, who cannot move on their own, who are always dependent on others for their daily chores, who are just counting their days in some hospitals.

There are so many people out there, who have been left alone by their families, who have been tricked into giving away their entire fortunes, who have lost their near and dear ones in accidents, in riots, in earthquakes, in floods.

There is so much sorrow out there.

When I think about all this, I feel that I am infact very very lucky. We all are. We are very much blessed. Our lives will be a lot better if we think of it from this perspective. So, always when you are sad, or are feeling very low, think of all that's happening in the world and ask yourself, Aren't we lucky?

Friday, July 9, 2010


Disclaimer: These are just my views. People may or may not agree. Please do not get into comment-fights with me.

Whenever the admission season comes, this issue bugs me - QUOTA.
Does quota system really help? Is giving reservations based on caste truly a tool for social upliftment?

Quota, according to me, infact makes people lazy. You get admission through quota, you can get jobs through quota, your kids get admission through quota...and so on. Isn't this ease of getting things a deterrent for true progress?

Is it so that people from some particular castes have lesser brains compared to others? Why are the cut-offs made so low for them? It really pains when one sees a brilliant student from Open category not getting admission to a particular institute just because of a couple of marks' difference and another who obviously is not so good in academics getting the admission with a much lesser score. Such people are also generally from well-to-do families who do not need such benefits, but get them just because the system allows them to. There are also concessions in fees given, even if it is clearly visible that the person is rich enough to afford the education. A deserving candidate from open category, however, wont get such benefits even if he really needs them. A simple caste certificate gives you access to host of benefits whether or not you need them. Merit and true need have no place in our system

Women's quota is somewhat better than caste based quota. However, just having a quota does not address the issue of women empowerment. Awareness amongst the masses, especially rural and slum-dwellers, is needed to achieve the desired effect. But I don't know whether the Government is really doing so.

Quota these days is just a tool for generating vote banks. The vision that Ambedkar had has totally been spoilt by the politicians. I had read an interesting observation somewhere. If the quota system indeed helps in social upliftment of backward classes, 50 years (2 generations) should have been enough and so the quota system should be abolished. And, if the people have still not made a progress, the quota system is flawed and it should be abolished. However, our leaders are not brave enough to make such a bold decision. Even if they are brave, they are aware that they'll lose major vote-banks. This may eventually lead to the opposition rising to power and the quota system being re-introduced by them. So why bother? Let the system stay.

It is no wonder that people prefer moving abroad to make life easier for them and their kids rather than stay here and fight against quota. Who knows, there may be just 15-20% seats remaining for the Open category, a few years down the line. And mind you, this 15-20% wont be "reserved" for Open category, but open for all.
The quota system is really spoiling our nation and its younger generations.